


lionhearted;

by filzmonster



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Childhood/Old Days, Gen, Pandora Hearts Month, and then it turned into a 4k thing, okay this was supposed to be something quick and easy, phm: last week, week 4, whups?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 21:41:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12219492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/filzmonster/pseuds/filzmonster
Summary: » As she grows, from child to girl to woman, she re-learns the role she can play in a family; realizes that she’s not the burden here, not the distortion; she is not a mother, she knows that and she would never dare to take that place in someone’s life. But she tries to be a big sister. Simply someone who cares and protects and soothes nightmares and fills this place, this household with warmth and love. || Lottie Baskerville, a perspective.





	lionhearted;

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be angsty af but then it turned into 'everyone sits around and makes flower crowns', so -

» and we walk together into the light;  
and my love will be your armour tonight;  
we are lionhearts.  
and we stand together facing a war;  
and our love is gonna conquer it all;  
we are l i o n h e a r t s;

 

 

Her own childhood is nothing but brutal.

It’s like a stain splattered across her memories in a dark, crimson red. She remembers her family in broken pieces, the way her father looks at her the way he looks at every girl, her mother’s cruel words ( _you’re disgusting, you’re ruined, you don’t deserve anything, you weren’t supposed to be_ _bor_ _n,_ _you’re a waste of space_ ) and how her siblings always kept away, always managed to keep a distance between them and her. 

Bad Luck is wrapped around her feet like a well fitting pair of shoes. Wherever she goes, she destroys people’s lives. Her own is never directly affected though, she never breaks her own bones by accident but her youngest sister falls down a flight of stairs and shatters her knee. Her father gets sick a day after he sneaked into her room for the first time. A part of her thinks he deserves it (her mother is trying her best to beat that part out of her).

Still, the thought of running away never occurs to her. She’s six years old and smart and she knows she’s not grown into her womanhood enough yet to survive on her own. She keeps it as a possibility though, like a lucky charm in the depth of her pocket; her first real secret.

Her second secret happens when she’s eight. 

It’s her clearest memory, sharper than anything else; a crystal in a collection of pearls and rubies and dirty pebbles.

She’s hiding in the woods, surrounded by wild roses and damp grass, when the Light appears in the last rays of sunshine filtered through the leaves. Tiny specks of Gold flicker through the air, dancing around the trees like lost fireflies. On a whim, she gets up and dances with them, twirls and bathes in their radiating glow until she’s dizzy and her bare feet are bleeding again, staining the grass between her toes dark with blood.

And then the Light enters her body and it _changes_ her.

When she gets out of the woods, she’s not on her way home but on her way _home_.

The Baskervilles take her in as if she’s always been a part of this family and after a while, she starts to think so, too. This is her life, and it started out on pain and bad luck, but eventually, the Light led her to the place where she belonged.

As she grows, from child to girl to woman, she re-learns the role she can play in a family; realizes that she’s not the burden here, not the distortion; she is not a mother, she knows that and she would never dare to take that place in someone’s life. But she tries to be a big sister. Simply someone who cares and protects and soothes nightmares and fills this place, this household with warmth and love. 

She supports and is supported, and this is her family.

There’s Leon who walks out of the Darkness for her and melts with her heart and shows her that she’s a lioness, a force to be reckoned with.

There’s Doug who doesn’t say much but he’s always there with his quiet presence and makes sure she never feels lonely.

There’s Lily who arrives with hair like a bird’s nest and the Devil’s mark on her face and a naïvety Lottie vows to preserve for as long as she can.

There’s Fang who is endlessly kind and treats the world around him with nothing but gentleness (she ignores the way he looks at her because she can’t look _back_ ).

There’s Jack, the nuisance, the intruder, the man who drags parts of the world outside into their little paradise and she is so thankful for his shattered pieces of a different reality.

And then, of course, there’s Master Glen, and he’s the centre of it all, the sun in the sky, and even though she doesn’t dare to get too close to him she can’t help but stay in his periphery where the burning is just strongenough to not set her aflame.

This is the world she’s built for herself, and she is content with it’s clean cut edges.

(She will long for the simplicity of those days.)

 

 

***

 

The last day of summer is just warm enough to be spent in the half-shadows of the mansion’s garden. The air is heavy and tastes like a million of flowers in full bloom just waiting to be picked and the clear blue sky is dotted with cotton candy clouds. It’s a day out of a children’s fairy tale book.

Lottie knows that Jack has come by for a visit, but she hasn’t seen him yet; he’s probably off to bug Master Glen and she’s already thinking about a way to punish him for that later. For now, though, she’s sitting in the grass, her pink dress draped around her like rose petals, a pile of flowers in her lap and Leon curled against her back.

Lily and Bandersnatch are running around, barefooted in the grass, with Fang and Tove chasing them. They occasionally run up to Lottie and drop more flowers into her lap, curiously watch for a few moments how she weaves them together and then run off again, their laughter filling the air like a powerful melody. Dug is a few feet away, leaning against the trunk of a tree in the shadow, peacefully dozing, but Lottie can sense him peeking at her and the others every now and then. He’s always doing this, making sure everyone’s still here and safe; not that they are in any danger but Lottie knows that old habits die hard – she still feels a moment of pure fear whenever the door to her room opens unexpectedly.

The act of braiding flower crowns is just easy enough to allow her mind to wander off in other directions, but somehow she finds herself locked in the present. When she’s done with the first one she calls for Lily.

“Let me see if it fits you.”

The little girl skips over with shining eyes and crouches down in front of Lottie.

“This is so pretty!” Lily chirps happily and reaches for the band of orange and yellow and purple and pink and red flowers. It immediately tears in her grip and dissolves into nothing but blossoms and stalks.

“Waaah!” The look on Lily’s face speaks of utter terror; Lottie can’t help but giggle.

“Come on, sit down”, she says softly and gestures for Lily to kneel down in front of her. “I’ll show you how to make a new one.”

Lily hesitates and looks at Fang as if silently asking for permission to interrupt their playing for the sake of making flower crowns with Lottie. Fang smiles and sits down next to Lily, already reaching for a couple of flowers.

“I want to learn, too”, he says seriously, but Lottie can see the amusement in his eyes. It’s enough to make her giggle again.

“You can make one for Dug, then”, she suggests and grabs two flowers herself. Lily has already gathered a pile in front of her and is looking at them expectantly.

Lottie takes it in for a tiny second, the utter perfection of this moment, and then starts weaving and explaining.

“You start like this …”

They braid in silence after she’s taught them the basics; probably because Lily is so concentrated on making the flower crown that she doesn’t have any capacity left for her usual chatting and Fang always knows when silence is better than a cascade of words.

Lottie enjoys this; she likes the silky petals between her fingertips, likes how every cut on a rose’s thorn disappears in an instant and reminds her of her own invincibility, likes the routine her hands are used to by now, likes the sun on her skin and the company of her family. She’s halfway done with her second flower crown when she hears the faint rustling of moving branches and children’s laughter.

It takes two little boys to stumble out of a nearby bush for her to realize that it’s Gilbert and Vincent. They have flushed faces and leaves stuck in their hair, and it takes them a moment to realize that they’ve come across a little gathering.

Their reactions are adorable.

Gilbert immediately blushes an even darker shade of red while Vincent freezes and seeks shelter behind his older brother.

“I – I’m sorry! We didn’t mean to intrude!”, Gilbert all but shouts his apology, eyes wide and the physical strain of not bowing his head visible in his trembling body. Vincent just inches even closer to his brother and even grabs onto his shoulders.

It takes all of Lottie’s willpower and manners to not burst out laughing.

These two boys are something she hasn’t quite figured out yet.

They’ve arrived barely a few months ago and have kept their distance so far; they have yet to lose that hostility and cautiousness their short life has taught them. It’s not a surprise, really; all Baskervilles are a distortion to the world around them, but Vincent bears the Red in his eye and therefore has an even bigger impact. It sets Vincent apart from the others, and Gilbert chose from moment one to stand with his brother at the sidelines rather then abandoning him (although, Lottie wonders if it’s been a conscious decision or if Gilbert has chosen subconsciously or out of pure instinct – because old habits die hard).

On any other day, Lottie would have shrugged off the boys’ apology as unnecessary and then let them run off to play by themselves again. But today doesn’t feel like any other day. Today feels like the last day of summer and Fang is already smiling at her knowingly while Lily is a ball of pure curiosity. A glance at Dug tells her that he’s watching them, too, quietly waiting.

There’s a distance between those two boys and the rest of the Baskervilles. Simply because they are always sticking to each other and as his personal valet Gilbert is usually sticking to Master Glen. But she can’t help but feel that it’d be not that bad if she got them to spend more time with everyone else, too. Blurred the line between _Gilbert_ _and_ _Vincent_ and the rest of the world just a bit.

Lottie smiles and gives her best to forget that the flustered boy in front of her is going to be her next Master Glen (she tries to imagine it for a moment but it’s impossible).

“Don’t worry, you’re not intruding anything. You can come and join us, if you want to?”

The offer hangs in the air between them like a lifeline thrown towards a drowning man. Lottie can see the calculation in Gilbert’s eyes, the hesitation when he turns to Vincent and hands over the lifeline to him, drops both of their lives in his small hands that are still clutching his older brother’s shoulders.

Vincent nods and saves them both.

“Thank you, we would love to” Gilbert says politely as if the wordless exchange between him and his brother never happened. He grabs Vincent’s hand and drags him along as he walks over and curiously looks down at the flowers scattered around them.

“We’re making flower crowns!” Lily explains excited and shows him the ring of flowers she’s already braided.

“Flower crowns” Gilbert repeats with a blank look on his face and it’s clear that this boy has never seen a flower crown in his life. Lily takes his confusion as encouragement.

“Yes! You pick a bunch of flowers and then you braid them into a crown! They are pretty and smell nice!”

It’s the simple logic of a child and Gilbert is not immune to it yet.

“Can … anyone make a flower crown?”, he asks tentatively and eyes Lily’s finished one with awe and scepticism.

Lily nods aggressively. “Yes, of course! And everyone likes them!”

Those seem to be the words that undo Gilbert, because the wariness on his face is replaced by a radiant joy. “Does this mean I can make one for Master?”

(Lottie’s notices the way he doesn’t say Master _Glen_ but simply _Master_ , as if _Glen_ doesn’t matter to Gilbert, doesn’t make a difference.)

Lily nods again and jumps to her feet. “I will help you pick the right flowers”, she offers and beams when Gilbert nods enthusiastically.

“Can I come, too?” Vincent suddenly joins them, his voice thin and shy as if he doesn’t dare to try his luck. “I want to make one for Gil!”

The three of them run off, Bandersnatch on their heels, their laughter still audible after they’ve long disappeared from view.

Lottie picks up her flower crown again and resumes braiding the last couple of roses into the string of pink gerbera.

She’s about to fill in the gaps with lavender when the children return, arms overflowing with flowers and smiling from ear to ear. Fang laughs at them and praises them for their hard work. They sit down and Lottie explains one more time how to weave the long stalks together and then they sit in a circle around a pile of beautiful flowers and braid, but not in silence anymore.

It feels a bit like weaving people together.

Of course Lottie and Fang are done with their flower crowns long before the children are, so they quietly go over to Dug and sit down next to him in the shadow of the tree. Fang drops the flower crown he made onto his head, as promised, and grins when Dug scratches at the tingling petals.

“Who are you giving yours?”, Fang asks gently and she can feel the weight of his eyes on her.

She straightens her dress absentmindedly, her eyes on the three children in the sun. Gilbert is already wearing a flower crown that Vincent has made and is currently making one for Vincent; the one he’s already made for Master Glen lays in the grass next to him, carefully put out of harm’s way. Vincent is currently making a flower crown for Jack who, in Lottie’s eyes, doesn’t deserve one. His cheeks have been adorably red ever since he’s given his first one to Gilbert. Lily has given her first flower crown to Lottie who is still wearing it even though she can already feel it falling apart on top of her hair. Bandersnatch also already got one but he’s more interested in chewing the flowers than in wearing it over his ears. Her third one, Lily is making for herself.

“Well, I thought I could give it to Master Glen”, Lottie says carefully, trying not to blush. “But since Gilbert’s going to do that already … I guess you can have it.”

She holds out her arm, the flower crown resting in her palm, but refuses to look at Fang or to acknowledge the heat in her cheeks.

Fang takes the flower crown carefully, and her heart flutters in her chest even though it’s not supposed to.

This is how Master Glen and Jack find them not much later.

While Master Glen only looks at them with his usual stern face, not even an eyebrow raised at the picture of six of his Baskervilles with flower crowns in their hair, Jack’s reaction is much more vivid.

“Oh, there you are!” he exclaims and crouches down in front of Gilbert and Vincent. Lily, who’s distanced herself at the two men’s arrival, watches him suspiciously. She hasn’t been formerly introduced to Jack yet, but he ignores her anyway.

“I wanted to say goodbye before I leave! Did you enjoy your free day then?”

He musses up Vincent’s and Gilbert’s hair, careful to not ruin the flower crowns they are still wearing.

Vincent nods enthusiastically, obviously enchanted by this man. Gilbert nods, too, but his eyes are focused on Master Glen, as if he can’t look at anything else now that his Master is there (Lottie is familiar with this feeling).

“Lottie taught us how to make flower crowns!” he tells them.

Master Glen shoots her a strange look and she feels herself vibrate under his gaze.

“Did she now?”, he asks rhetorically, but Gilbert nods again.

“Yes! I even made one for you, Master!”

And then, with the unwavering doubt of someone who knows he’s created something the other person will love, he hands over the flower crown to Master Glen, a proud grin on his face.

All eyes are on Master Glen, Lottie can feel it, even Jack is watching his friend with an intensity that seems to scream _Don’t you dare mess this up, I will kill you if you ruin this moment for Gilbert_.

But Master Glen seems to be oblivious to the tension around him. He’s completely captured by Gilbert and the flower crown that is presented to him. He takes it with careful hands and puts it on his head, smiling softly when the bright petals touch his hair. “Thank you, Gilbert”, he says seriously. “I love it.”

Lottie can feel the relief flood the atmosphere like rain in the desert, and smiles.

She feels Dug next to her stifle a laugh and knows that Fang is also doing his best to hide a grin. Jack isn’t even trying to conceal the broad smirk on his lips when he pats Master Glen on the back. Lily is too young to understand the situation completely, but she gives Gilbert a bright, proud smile, happy for his success.

In the late afternoon sun, Lottie is engulfed by the light of her family. She wears roses in her hair and love in her heart.

A few weeks later, when the Darkness swallows her for years and years and years, she thinks about this day in the sun.

 

 

***

 

When the Darkness lets go of her after an eternity, everything’s gone and her hands are stained with blood; the first rays of sunshine she sees are enough to make her cry.

But Dug is here and Fang, too, as they always are, and she manages to pull through, manages to pick up her own jigsaw pieces and puts them back together; they don’t quite make the picture they’ve made before, it’s darker and there’s much more red, but it’s all she can manage and it will have to do.

They have a mission, after all.

It’s no surprise to Lottie when they find Vincent, and in his company Zwei. It is, however, a surprise to find Gilbert not with him.

Gilbert who was supposed to be their next Master Glen. Gilbert who was inseparable from his younger brother.

Gilbert who has lost his memories and got himself attached to the blonde Vessalius boy they had to cast into the Abyss.

It’s a mess and Lottie is too tired to pick up those shards, too. She’s got her hands full with finding her Master and keeping Pandora off their backs and trying to make sense out of everything and holding what’s left of her family together as good as she can.

Ten years pass and she’s kept her distance to Gilbert, as promised to Vincent, but when things are set into motion by Oz Vessalius’ return from the Abyss, she can’t help but run into him again.

It’s the first time she sees him as a grown man, from afar and dressed in a ridiculous school uniform, but still undeniably Gilbert.

And Vincent looks good in his adulthood but he’s nothing compared to his older brother. Gilbert is tall and handsome and broody and just so _Master_ _Glen_ it almost hurts. How this man doesn’t set his memories free by just looking in a mirror is a mystery to Lottie. She has to stare at him for a solid five minutes until the image of her Master fades and leaves the small boy from so long ago in its place. A part of her mourns this child. Another part calls him a traitor.

(A third part has already forgiven him.)

After the little incident at Lutwidge Academy everything happens in a chain reaction, the trigger in the hands of Oz Vessalius, and it’s all Lottie can do to get from one explosion to the next until there’s no more gunpowder left and she finds herself standing in the ruins of Sablier once more. She has lost Fang to the Darkness or the Light, she’s long lost the ability to differentiate. That’s okay, though, the world is woven together with more threads than black and gold and crimson red.

When the sun rises over this wasteland again, she smiles at a new, more colourful future.

 

***

 

Three nights after they’ve restored the Light they decide it’s finally time to share the last bits of knowledge with the others. There are still a few things missing to finally complete the picture, a few colourless spots on the canvas.

They gather at the Rainsworth Manor; Lottie, Dug, Lily and Master Leo and Vincent, and Sharon and Reim and Gilbert, and it’s the first time Lottie notices how small _their_ group has become in comparison to _her_ group. Then she remembers that she doesn’t have to divide all of them into _us_ and _them_ anymore, and smiles.

At first it’s a bit uncomfortable, sitting and drinking with them while they try to understand everything, but after they’ve emptied the first bottle of wine, it’s not an issue anymore.

They open the third bottle of wine after they are done telling stories. Lottie starts to think that if they continue like this, they won’t remember everything they’ve talked about in the past few hours, but Reim has been constantly scribbling in his notebook, so maybe memories won’t be an issue.

It’s quite the situation she finds herself in; Lily, who wasn’t allowed to have one sip of the wine, is peacefully sleeping in Dug’s lap. Dug himself his dozing, too, half draped over his chair, half draped over Lily’s now empty one. His face is reddened by the alcohol and he’s drooling onto Lily’s hair. Master Leo sitting on a settee with Sharon and they are both very engaged in a conversation about a certain book – Lottie has long since stopped paying attention which book they are talking about at this point. Vincent an Reim seem to be relatively sober, they are playing chess at the table, but when Lottie takes a second look she notices that none of the pieces are where they are supposed to be nor are they moved as they are supposed to be moved. So much for _relatively sober_.

It takes her a second look around the room to realize that Gilbert is missing. She notices the open door to the balcony and stands up. For a moment the whole world tilts and spins and twirls around her, then she catches herself again and remembers that she, too, has a lot of wine running through her veins at the moment.

She takes a few tentative steps until she’s used to her strange balance, then she steps out into the night.

Gilbert is standing with his back against the railing, looking up to the sky while the cigarette smoke dances around his face, a bright ribbon of silk against the night. There’s a sadness to Gilbert these days; wrapped around him like a crimson cloak.

“I thought you wanted to quit” Lottie says as she steps next to him.

“Lifetimes ago” Gilbert answers with a smile and takes another drag, almost rebelliously blowing out the smoke through his lips.

Lottie laughs and the sound fills the air, wanders up to the sky alongside the smoke where it fades into nothingness.

“After we ran into you at Lutwidge Academy we spent the night drinking in that exact room” Gilbert finally says after a moment of silence, his eyes filled with nostalgia and grief.

“That was the first time I saw you again after I fell into the Abyss” Lottie admits, relieved that she can finally share this with him.

Gilbert turns his head and looks at her surprised, the grief turning into nostalgia and melancholia.

“Why did you never tell me?” _Who I am and who I was supposed to be?_

She shrugs. “Vincent asked us not to and we figured you’d remember eventually, so it didn’t really matter. Besides, would you have accepted it?”

He seems to think about it for a while and then shakes his head. “I don’t think I was ready back then.”

He flicks his finished cigarette off, down the balcony and into the Rainsworth garden. It leaves a trail of glowing orange in the darkness, a tiny spark of gleaming light.

When he looks at her again, the gold in his eyes glistens in the night like that burnt cigarette.

“Do you remember that day we made flower crowns together?”

She does.


End file.
